Marines bring over these things with them since there aren't alot of chicks that come around in Camp Ramadi. Pocket pussies are fake vaginas made out of plaster cast molds of actual vaginas you fuck.
If you were to fuck those things, I would suggest using lube since it's simply fucking a block of plastic. Somehow sex shops sell these things like hot cakes especially the ones made by the molds of torn up snatches of porn stars. I believe the greatest thing about America is that you can sell almost anything here. Even fake vaginas. God bless this country.
Yeah well, one thing to note is that a Marine told me how he lubed his dick with hand sanitizer before getting it on with pocket pussy. I felt his pain and we shared a laugh. Hand sanitizer fucking burns, dude.
I can write a whole book on this stuff.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
Punk’s not dead (that’s a lie)
You know some years ago, the fucking tard I am watched a Vh1 documentary on punk rock since Vh1 is the answer to everything punk rock. I hope you know I'm full of shit right there. But seriously, they should bring Pop Up Video back but my cries are like farts in the wind.... The rock doc was pretty decent since it had all the great/half way decent old school shit punk docs always talk about (the Velvets, Stooges, Ramones, Pistols, Clash, etc.) and Keith Morris says some shit about whatever he did back in the day. Is it just me or is he in every single fucking punk doc I have seen???
Okay so here's the BEST part about watching that thing. Lars Frederiksen is interviewed and he just pulls this out of his ass:
"There's some people that say punk is dead. Whenever I hear that I just wanna kick 'em in the face. I mean, how can you say that??? "
He then points to his angry tattooed face, adorned with green mohawk in all its glory.
"How can you look at me in the face and say that?!!"
Watching that helped me realize he is a fag and Rancid kinda sucked in the first place. By the way, I was one of those kids that got into punk sans Rancid. I was listening to Rage and the Beastie Boys more than anything else (still do) until I realized Bad Brains and Black Flag made the greatest music in the world. I didn't dress the part in highschool either. No bum flaps or that cabbage patch punk shit. I dressed up sort of like a member of the Weirdos once.
You should of seen it. The cutoff sleeve less tweed shirt. The green tie. The cut off jeans. It pains me to write it really. No one remembers that though. Thank GOD.
Anyways, I bring the whole Lars interview up to my friend John B. and he kinda perfectly put all that shit in check and said, "Guys whose job it is to be punk are like professional wrestlers. They gotta convince people it's a 'real thing' to make money."
Okay so here's the BEST part about watching that thing. Lars Frederiksen is interviewed and he just pulls this out of his ass:
"There's some people that say punk is dead. Whenever I hear that I just wanna kick 'em in the face. I mean, how can you say that??? "
He then points to his angry tattooed face, adorned with green mohawk in all its glory.
"How can you look at me in the face and say that?!!"
Watching that helped me realize he is a fag and Rancid kinda sucked in the first place. By the way, I was one of those kids that got into punk sans Rancid. I was listening to Rage and the Beastie Boys more than anything else (still do) until I realized Bad Brains and Black Flag made the greatest music in the world. I didn't dress the part in highschool either. No bum flaps or that cabbage patch punk shit. I dressed up sort of like a member of the Weirdos once.
You should of seen it. The cutoff sleeve less tweed shirt. The green tie. The cut off jeans. It pains me to write it really. No one remembers that though. Thank GOD.
Anyways, I bring the whole Lars interview up to my friend John B. and he kinda perfectly put all that shit in check and said, "Guys whose job it is to be punk are like professional wrestlers. They gotta convince people it's a 'real thing' to make money."
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Irony
I swear to God. People do not know how to properly use that word. When hipsters wear shirts that say random shit like "Jesus is my Homeboy" it isn't fucking ironic. When hipsters wear Che Guevera t-shirts, it is ironic simply because that shit was probably made by sweat shop workers being paid cents by the hour. It's practicing capitalism using trust fund money from parents of hipsters since people who actually fall for that commie revolution shit are spoiled ass liberals anyway.
And when it comes down to it, that's everything Che was fighting against the entire time. Oh and to help establish Cuba as a dictatorship.
That's irony. Fucking cosmic irony.
Pro-lifers bombing abortion clinics killing people are ironic.
Hipsters growing mullets isn't.
When that pinko bitch Jane Fonda married Ted Turner and went born again that's fucking ironic.
Me listening to ABBA isn't.
And when it comes down to it, that's everything Che was fighting against the entire time. Oh and to help establish Cuba as a dictatorship.
That's irony. Fucking cosmic irony.
Pro-lifers bombing abortion clinics killing people are ironic.
Hipsters growing mullets isn't.
When that pinko bitch Jane Fonda married Ted Turner and went born again that's fucking ironic.
Me listening to ABBA isn't.
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