You're not the White Stripes.
You're not the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
You're no No Age.
You need a bassist. Actually, I'm surprised the above mentioned bands haven't gotten one yet.
You don't need a second drummer. It only shows that both your drummers are so shitty they need the power of two shitty drummers to make up for the shittiness.
There's also a 98% chance you totally suck you lazy art school fucks.
Semper Fidelis,
Me
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Off-beat Music
I used to skate, bike, or just walk my ass down to Off-beat Music which was a music shop down at the border of Redondo/Hermosa Beach. That place is the sole reason why I am such a music geek asshole today. I would walk in that place hearing Napalm Death being blasted in the stereo. The owner (Bob) simply didn't give a fuck because he was flat out pyscho.
Off-beat had a porno music section and it was a place to go to pick up VICE Magazine because there was no American Apparel anywhere close to the South Bay at that time.
I was told by someone who used to work there that every single sexual position has been performed at that store, along with various acts of self mutilation by Bob. One time he slammed a stapler against his face which got him thirty stitches. I think he also punched out a mirror. After the place closed down it became a dental office.
Anyways, I remember being at the store looking through the CD rack when the first thing to catch my eye was Black Flag's My War. It was the creepiest album cover I had ever seen in my life.
So after I bought it, I immediately brought that bitch home and put it on.
I fucking HATED that record.
Off-beat had a porno music section and it was a place to go to pick up VICE Magazine because there was no American Apparel anywhere close to the South Bay at that time.
I was told by someone who used to work there that every single sexual position has been performed at that store, along with various acts of self mutilation by Bob. One time he slammed a stapler against his face which got him thirty stitches. I think he also punched out a mirror. After the place closed down it became a dental office.
Anyways, I remember being at the store looking through the CD rack when the first thing to catch my eye was Black Flag's My War. It was the creepiest album cover I had ever seen in my life.
So after I bought it, I immediately brought that bitch home and put it on.
I fucking HATED that record.
Friday, June 27, 2008
I listen to power violence...
because I am a homo who can't admit to saying I listen to hardcore punk music a quarter of century past its prime.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Drunk History
I know it's been up for awhile, but I just want to share with the world (at most 12 of you who actually read this) if you haven't seen it already the genius that is:
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Polish jokes
You know, I have a lot of (token) Polish friends. As friends we rip on each other especially in terms of someone's ethnic or national origin but it is so hard with fucking ripping on Poles. Seriously, the Polacks get a bad rep because all their jokes aren't even origin. They are all hand me down World War II jokes about the French. It's as if they don't rate original jokes to make fun of them. Well, you know what? I've decided to take a stand and make up 100% original Polish jokes that truly poke fun at Poland, a sovereign nation with a rich cultural history that stands out as a country of its own.
So without further ado, get ready to laugh your dupas off with these 100% original Polish jokes.
Why do dirty Poles have such great big noses?
Cause air's free.
How do you stop five Polish men from raping a white woman?
Throw a basketball.
Why do Poles like driving low riders?
Because they want to pick fruit and drive at the same time.
What do you get when you cross a Pole and a Chinaman?
A car thief that can't drive
Who was the best Polish cook?
Hitler
Why wasn't Jesus born in Poland?
Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
How was copper wire invented?
Two Poles were fighting over a penny.
Why weren't there any Poles in the movie Star Wars?
Because the future's perfect.
What do you call the Flinstones if they were Polish?
Niggers.
How do you fit four Poles on a bar stool?
Turn it upside down!
So without further ado, get ready to laugh your dupas off with these 100% original Polish jokes.
Why do dirty Poles have such great big noses?
Cause air's free.
How do you stop five Polish men from raping a white woman?
Throw a basketball.
Why do Poles like driving low riders?
Because they want to pick fruit and drive at the same time.
What do you get when you cross a Pole and a Chinaman?
A car thief that can't drive
Who was the best Polish cook?
Hitler
Why wasn't Jesus born in Poland?
Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
How was copper wire invented?
Two Poles were fighting over a penny.
Why weren't there any Poles in the movie Star Wars?
Because the future's perfect.
What do you call the Flinstones if they were Polish?
Niggers.
How do you fit four Poles on a bar stool?
Turn it upside down!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
I like Vampire Weekend
I am guilty. They are hyped to the ass but I fucking like love them. They remind me of the really good stuff Paul Simon used to pull off.
Um, but the Virgins still suck ass. New York, you win some and you really, really lose some.
Um, but the Virgins still suck ass. New York, you win some and you really, really lose some.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Somebody once told me...
That life was a series of heartbreaks. Which got me super depressed because in many ways it was true.
But then again, life also happens to be the greatest vagina joke ever:
But then again, life also happens to be the greatest vagina joke ever:
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Lydia Lunch VS. Joe Rogan
Miss Lunch is sort of known for her work with No Wave (no talent) band Teenage Jesus and the Jerks along with her shitty poetry and she has taken herself seriously for the past three decades. For all the bullshit art school notoriety, I will always know her as that chick that starred in semi pornographic flicks by Richard Kern (who's an all too good wonderful topic of discussion all together).
Joe Rogan is most famous as the host of Fear Factor and a lot of guys know him as a commentator for UFC fights. Some will consider him an asshole that ruined the Man Show and only finds his brand of humor funny if you were a date raping frat bro. If you give the guy's stand up material a chance, he can be hilarious and enlightening at times even if his fan base are fucking retards.
Although I think Lydia Lunch is a stupid pretentious cunt, she actually kinda kept her cool when she starts giving Mr. Rogan shit. It's really astounding to watch as art school and bro-dom collide:
Joe Rogan is most famous as the host of Fear Factor and a lot of guys know him as a commentator for UFC fights. Some will consider him an asshole that ruined the Man Show and only finds his brand of humor funny if you were a date raping frat bro. If you give the guy's stand up material a chance, he can be hilarious and enlightening at times even if his fan base are fucking retards.
Although I think Lydia Lunch is a stupid pretentious cunt, she actually kinda kept her cool when she starts giving Mr. Rogan shit. It's really astounding to watch as art school and bro-dom collide:
Monday, June 2, 2008
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